Rubble

    Doctor Blitzmann is barely alive when they find him. As they drag him from the ruins of his own workshop, he mutters a few choice words regarding Drow assassins and their mothers' fondness for mating with goats, before passing out.
    A few feet away, the rubble shifts. Ulrich groans as he claws himself up through crushed stone, splintered wood and shattered glass. He breaks the surface with a gasp of pain, throwing aside the body of a black-clad assassin. He staggers to his feet, surveying the scene. His throat is lined with dust.
    'Where is the Doctor?' he croaks.

Ulrich Bannon

    'My homeland.' Ulrich said, a shadow of a smile on his usually emotionless face. 'I'd almost forgotten what it looked like.' He looked back at his companion, waving him on. 'Come, doctor!'
    Blitzmann wiped the sweat from his brow as he clambered over the moss-covered rocks. He really wasn't meant for this type of terrain. His feet ached, his lungs burned and his mouth was dry. He made a mental note to take a second look at his Controlled Explosion Boots design. More control, less explosion, this time. But as he crested the top of the hill, he had to admit it was an impressive sight.
    Great, rolling plains with scattered islands of red moss covered the immense valley. Black mountains framed the horizon, snow-covered tips almost hidden in the clouds. The Morrowpeak Lions stood as they had for millennia, built by the gods of past.
    A peel of thunder rolled across the valley.
    'Do you hear?' Ulrich asked, peering into the sky. 'The mountains are forging the first breaths of war.'

Mount

    "I don't understand why you insist on using that ridiculous animal," Ulrich remarked. "A horse is faster, stronger and infinitely better suited for combat."
    "What you forget," Blitzmann said. "Is that horses are boring and camels are awesome. Genetically modified camels are doubly so."
    Blitzmann patted his trusty camel on its glorious mane of smooth, golden fur and sighed contentedly.
    "Truly, Richard, you are my greatest creation."
    Richard bleated happily and walked face first into the side of a building. After a moment's loaded silence, he bleated again, less happily.
    Ulrich raised an eyebrow.
    "Shut up," Blitzmann said. "Camels are awesome."

Paranoia

     'I'm telling you, Ulrich, my enemies are everywhere. Everything in here,' he jabbed Ulrich with a gloved finger. 'Literally every single thing in here, could be covered in poison.' 

     'I doubt that, Doc.'

     'Poison of the most lethal sort!' He insisted, grabbing a jar and brandishing it in Ulrich's face. 'Underdark Rattler extract!' He picked up a half-eaten chicken leg. 'Essence of beholder!' He grabbed a chair with both hands and lifted it over his head. 'CRIMSON DEATH POWDER!'

    'I think that Juniper girl made you paranoid.'

    'Paranoid?' he hissed. 'I'll show you paranoid!' 

    Ulrich sighed. 'I'd really rather you didn't.'

Octopi, cont.

Day seven (7):
Subject 70-a sedated for transport to bigger cage. Mid-transport, however, it regained consciousness. It proceeded to escape captivity and rampage through the town. Recaptured and sedated. Acceptable civilian casualties. 


Day fourteen (14):
After thorough autopsies, it appears that Subject 70-a's many spikes and beaks secrete an incredibly powerful neurotoxin. Tests for possible weaponization are pending. Subject 70-a now measures approximately eight (8) meters in height.


Day forty (40): 
Subject 70-a appears to be the herald of an ancient, terrible god. After reaching approximately fifty meters in height, it destroyed the town and disappeared into the sea. Research cancelled. 


--
Music of the now: SUPERVILLAINY, by Lucy Knisley

Octopi

Notes regarding evolution and behavior of post-hand octopi in captivity

Day one (1):
Two (2) octopi, after surgically removed from Subject 70's arms, are placed in a reinforced BlitzGlass(C) container. Behavior appears dull, possibly due to stress.


Day two (2): 
Subject 70-a appears to have attacked, killed and consumed Subject 70-b overnight. It has grown to approximately three times its original size. Noticeably more aggressive. 


Day five (5): 
Subject 70-a, now approximately 3 meters in height, escaped its cell. It was recaptured and restrained thanks to Ulrich's martial skill and brute strength, but not before it located and consumed Subject 70. 


--
Music of the now: Waka Waka (This Time For Africa), by Shakira

Ingenious

    Blitzmann took a step back to admire his handiwork. Beside him stood Ulrich, one of his rock-like eyebrows raised.
    "Well," said Blitzmann. "What do you think?"
    "It's certainly..."
    "Ingenious?"
    "It's very creative, Doc, like always. Although..." Ulrich hesitated. "You could have built a pair of hands for him."
    Blitzmann waved his hand dismissively. "Yes, yes, but that would have been boring. This is much more exciting, no?"
    Ulrich had to admit that it was. He pointed at the mass of whirring gears and clicking widgets that sprouted from the bound man's arm. "What does this do?"
   "Haven't the foggiest," Blitzmann said.

--
Music of the now: Lights Out, by Rick Astley (Yes, that Rick Astley)
 

Eureka!

    "Ha-HA!" Doctor Blitzmann exclaimed, lifting a vial of glowing, purple liquid and staring at it. "Once again, I have somehow managed to outdo myself!"

    "That so?" Ulrich said in a distant voice, leaning back, feet resting on the table.

    Blitzmann whirled around, brandishing the vial in one hand and a massive syringe in the other.

    "Yes!" he proclaimed. "This liquid is without a doubt my greatest achievement yet!" He waved the vial about wildly, spilling a few drops of the liquid dropped, where it sizzled and burned through the rock. "It will revolutionize everything we know about mouthwash!"

    "Fascinating." Ulrich said.

--
Music of the now: War Photographer, by Jason Forrest